Dear Future Self,
Never in my life did I think I would be that girl who writes to her future self. But myself now says “why not?” and I bet my future self will thank me. There’s so much I want to tell myself.
First of all, I hope you made it so you are able to read this. And if you’re too old to read it, I hope you ask someone to read it to you. To start off, stop worrying. The Lord has been with you from the beginning and what do you think is going to stop him from being with you till the end? Remember your favorite song? “Your love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on me”. Don’t ever forget it. Future me, the lord is still with you, fear him. And know that even in YOUR present, and future he will be there. He never runs out.
You worried too much during your teenage years. Not only did you worry too much about the future but you worried too much about the present; the friends you were going to make, how you were going to pay for this and for that, what boys did and didn’t like you. You worried WAY too much about your appearance. You never had the most porcelain skin, but you sure were beautiful. You are beautiful now, right now, while you are reading this. It was good that you liked to keep in shape, and I hope you still do to this day. But not to keep in shape because you are worried about what you may look like, but because it gives you this “high”, this enjoyment. I wish you didn’t worry about your weight as a teenager, because honestly, who gave a single shit? Not one soul. Just yourself. What did all those worries in the past do for you now? Make you happy? change you as person? Make you less worrisome? No. Future self, you may have worried about a lot as a kid, but let me tell you, you sure did enjoy the hell out of life. NO DOUBT.
I hope you have as much respect for life now as you did back in the day. Good lord, you knew you were blessed. Blessed by the Lord, blessed by your family, blessed by your friends and blessed by yourself. You knew that life was a one-time shot. I hope you never stop taking advantage of traveling. It’s your passion. I know that feeling you get when you reach a new, or old destination; the feeling that you can’t explain because you’re gonna meet so many new faces, experience new things, and reconnect with past times. For a teenage girl, you were quite appreciative of your surroundings. I hope to this day, you still find the joy in service that you did then. Doing service work made your heavy heart feel light, there was no way to even explain to people how much you loved it, the feeling of creating new relationships, seeing the happiness on other’s faces instead of worrying about yourself.
If you EVER stop appreciating music the way you used to, I will be so upset. Music was your thaannngg. You knew all the coolest bands, you knew the artist to EVERY country song, you lit up when you had the chance to perform a line dance or attend a concert. Music let you be free. Don’t ever stop dancing when no one or everyone is looking. You made some poor choices in the past, but that does not mean you should regret them. You thought you fell in love at 18, you thought what the “cool kids” did was actually cool, and you said things you wish you never said; those events gave you memories. Memories you enjoyed and memories that allowed you to LEARN. You know what, you wear your heart on your sleeve and one day someone will be lucky enough to take it from you. There’s no rush.
you wanted to be liked by everyone and today “everyone” is not around
I hope you haven’t lost your spunk. Cause girl, I know it’s still somewhere inside you. no matter how old you may be while reading this, 28 or 80, you’ll always be me.
I hope you have as many kids as I thought you would. I hope you raise them with the amount of love and compassion you were raised upon. If you feel like you’re doing it wrong, take a look at that tattoo you got when you were 18, just “breathe in, breathe out“. I know it’s still there, next to all your future ones. I can’t forget about our husband. Shoot am I excited to find out who that will be one day, but I sure can wait. Bless that poor man’s soul for loving such a wild, wild girl. He must have one big heart. I never want your love for him to cease. Keep that spark. Be patient with him, because I know how you are when you want something done a certain way. Be open with him, I know you like to keep things bottled up. Hold out your hand for him when he is struggling. Remember that neither of you “win”, you both are a team.
One day, you’re gonna see changes. You’ll realize your skin is sagging, you’ve become a grandma, you’re healthy and he’s sick, he’s healthy or you’re sick, you can’t remember all the good times, and your day is going to come. But that’s when you need to realize your skin is telling you that you’ve lived a life full of adventure, you’re grandchildren are showing you that you still have sight and love, you’re health or his health has shown you that you stuck through your vows, your memory may not be all there but the pictures, journals, and scars will never let you forget, and when you’re day is coming, that is the voice of truth-telling you “Do not be afraid.”
July 21st, 2015. 12:08 AM.